Split Ends

What are you supposed to do if you've spent most of your life feeling bad for things that either needed to be done or you didn't do intentionally?
What about ones you didn't realize you've done?
 I used to be pretty good at hoping for the best but expecting the worst.
What happens if the only person that seems to actually understand and get you more than anyone else has lives 600 miles away?
What do you do when you wish your friends understood your way of thinking more?
How are you to feel if you explain something as best as you can and someone still doesn't get it?
What if them not getting it means they are upset/hurt?
where do you go from there?
are you lost? I think I am.

Mother Nature vs EVERYONE.

Essentially you know your in for a great day/week when you've already had a 5.9 Earthquake shake and rattle your nerves early in the week, you have a pretty epic argument with your best friend in the world/love of your life and your week will finish off with a fantastic Hurricane named Irene. If I couldn't sleep enough thinking my world is coming to an end this " icing" so to speak on my cake that I honestly just don't think I can handle. So let me explain a little as to what is going on and since no one reads this I think ill have a pretty good audience who really could careless about the slight dramas of my life as a 27 year old.

First off an earthquake... IT WAS AN EARTHQUAKE. I don't live in California or West Coast for reasons and its not just the high cost of living! 5.9 is not as epic as it could have been but it still is enough to shake everyone up a bit. I was at work and essentially we all thought it was just a large 18 wheeler driving by shaking us. After a while it got worse and didn't my co-workers and I all turned to each other seeing if anyone else was feeling the shaking(or if we were all silently crazy). We weren't. A woman yelled " this happened in West Chester too!" so naturally were thinking oh it just happened in our area! KYW gets turned on and all they can talk about is the buzz that shoot the East Coast! Its such an odd thing to feel the Earthquakes that happen in this area we all had no idea what to do. My initial reaction was to run into the door frame but at that point the quake was over and my head pretty dizzy. I imagine if I did try to run due to my vertigo I would have fallen over as if I had done 20 twirls with my head on a bat. Anyways the damage was very minimal essentially and I hear they are going to make a movie of the great quake....

Round 2 started with a phone call and ended with a "leave me alone I do not want to talk to you." Words essentially are more powerful then people really imagine sometimes even if they should put their foot in their mouths... often! I know I'm not the easiest person to get along with sometimes and yes I'm admitting this to... no one (anyways!) but I feel like I honestly don't fight as dirty as other people do. I have to be pushed to a limit before I explode and even if I dislike something that was done if I'm not given the chance to say why I am upset but am assumed to be out of control or told I'm wrong for thinking the way I do or feeling upset by something that maybe I was displeased at well that is a VERY easy way to push towards that limit and quickly. We are all human and do not see eye to eye BUT if you tell me something I have done or said has hurt you I will in no way tell you that you are rediculous or acting out of control or wrong for feeling that way. Ill apologize for hurting you and advise those were not my intentions. I may still think that I am right but I can admit if I'm wrong. Ok lets be realistic sometimes I play my stubborn card but eventually I take it away and apologize. I don't like being talked down to or disrespected(I mean who does!) but if Im already upset and someone tries to add insult to injury by calling me or saying to me " please enlighten me all mighty queen Gina"... Its not a good move to make. Long story short I am hurt and the last words that were spoken AT me was to leave him alone he doesn't want to talk to me. Pretty hurtful from a Best Friend and Love. I figure as most people maybe he needs to calm down but its now Friday with no signs of change. I messaged him before I went to be hoping he would do the same but no luck. I woke up every hour on the hour checking for missed calls and missed messages. Waiting for some sort of acknowledgement of what happened or just about us. 4 Beers in I cant sleep I have a headache, heartache and am still wondering if this person still wants anything to do with me. Now its 9:30 in the morning and I'm still where I was yesterday only now I'm feeling more forgotten. This is unlike this person to do such things and avoid in such major ways my mind is playing tricks on me terribly.  OH and do you have a problem where you involuntarily shake or tremor when your upset or stressed? Because I do and it makes it very hard to sleep or do anything essentially when this damn tick wont go away.


Saturday night is my great friends Birthday celebration at her new house that I still haven't seen! I was looking forward to this and making her gifts etc because I usually end up missing her birthday which is weird because I've made it to her husbands birthdays? Anyways this "IRENE".... a hell of a hurricane to boot! Catagory 3 maybe 4... no 2... who knows! A tropical storm situation is going to arise Saturday night and Sunday. Another weekend stuck in the house for me is what I hear and a missed opportunity to see a good friend and have some great times. Mother Nature I get that your pissed about us mocking your Earthquake but come on! I guess I should stock up on flashlights and water containers. Good thing I have half a case of beer left.
Such is my life right now...

xo

lightning strikes and thunder roars

Today? Ohhhh today.... Yeah don't ask me about today. I have nothing good to say about Sunday August 21st.

xo

cucumbers over the eyes

First time I've pampered myself in a while and thought of myself. Its funny how trying to think of yourself brings you to thinking of nothing but others. Im actually a very fond believer in give what you get. If I feel like I'm giving more than I'm getting Ill start to back off or feel pretty lame once I really think about it but lets be real here... who wouldn't?  I tend to over analyze a lot in my life which is ultimately a terrible downfall that I hope one day someone could love me for. Maybe they already do love me for it but I'm too damn neurotic to see this?

 I've been home for about a week now from visiting my better half in Ohio. He's on a probationary time for work since its a new job that he seems to enjoy very much. What does this mean for me? Well I'm glad you asked. It means I better get used to 8 hour road trips because I'll be the one mainly making these trips now to see him.  It means emailing and telephone is our main source of communication and it means feeling essentially lonely the days and times when all I want to do is see him BUT however I cant so second best would be talking to him and well I cant always get what I want can I. So this week I haven't been MAD about not talking to him barely at all hardly what so ever I've been lonely. Feeling a bit in the dark although I know he's not going anywhere. I mean honestly though coming from someone who has been left in the dark 90% of the time when I decide to care about someone in general(family friends relationships etc etc)... Its only natural I'd feel a bit alone. I am however only human.

I need a cigarette.

this song makes me feel better.... or worse... or something! Its Who Knows by Local Natives.
Your welcome.

xo Gina

p.s. ill stop feeling sorry for myself tomorrow.

Sanity..

If your heart feels like it doesn't belong you need to go and follow where it wants to go.

Blackbird by The Beatles.... Listen to that.

xo
Gina